my thoughts on falling in love

i’ve always been a bit petrified of the idea of falling in love. here is what i think about it:

“the feeling of love scares me.

being in love, falling in love, or having someone else love me.

i’m petrified of not knowing where i will be in 10 or 20 years and wondering if i am ever going to check all the boxes off of my long list of goals and aspirations.

i feel as though the second i fall in love is the second that i settle.

settle for a life that everyone is living and settle for only achieving one of my dreams, not all of them.

i want a husband, kids, and a family.

i really do.

i can picture that white picket fence, the french press coffee on sunday mornings with the love of my life, a secure job, and the house crafted perfectly my aesthetically pleasing pinterest.

but i also want to live outside my comfort zone, travel, and love people in other countries and cultures the way that Jesus loves me.

my mind, body and spirit are torn between these realities because i cannot fathom a world where they coincide in perfect harmony.

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